I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's always time for handjobs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
