How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
