if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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