you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Swine flu is the new snow day.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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