I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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