The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize