Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
