I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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