His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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