Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
