I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
this hospital has no fireball
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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