Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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