If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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