Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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