youre lurking in front of me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fuck appropriateness.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
