I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
