mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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