Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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