i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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