You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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