oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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