Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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