So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
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