Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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