her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize