i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
