You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
