the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want her autograph on my taint
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize