she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
