New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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