you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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