CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
