They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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