Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
