And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
