U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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