Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
