So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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