I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
