just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
