I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
