I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
