Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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