cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize