I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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