he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and she was petting her beer can
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
