This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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