You can't special order awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
