I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize