Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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