I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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