toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
