I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
