I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
