Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Having a random hookup so left but love u
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
