I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
not ubering you a puppy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
