My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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