Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
