I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
