Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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