you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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