His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
