put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had to cum in my sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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