M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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