I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver just had a heart attack.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
