i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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